At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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