Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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