were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
