I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
