Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize
