I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
How external is "for external use only"?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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