That's when you crack a 10am beer
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
