Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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