so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
