TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
