I wannas sexs uuuuu
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
