If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
