another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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