SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
