Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
