i think i have herpe
just one?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
