I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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