So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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