I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize
