ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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