how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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