im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
