I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
