Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
