do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
