You're completely useless in the revolution.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize