can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Mom said you looked used
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
