I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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