i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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