I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
