Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
