Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
