If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize