Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
