the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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