Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
