The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
