I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
