just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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