Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
