isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
