i just had sex bonerless
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
