I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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