Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
