Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
