I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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