My boss' voice literally gives me gas
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
