ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
