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O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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