oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
