Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
