i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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