Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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