Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize