just come out here and I will go home with you...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Randomize
