If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just threw up on my dentist
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
