I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
