and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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