After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
