dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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