Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
At least make sure they are 18
Why
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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