so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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