Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Randomize
