i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
