Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you will always have a special place in my vag
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
