You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize