Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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