FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
