phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
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