Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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