3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
