I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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