mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
