so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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