there was a trapeze. enough said
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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