Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
