Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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