a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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