Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
