yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
