I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
