we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
